I’ve been thinking about this concept for a few weeks. Correction, God has been laying this on my heart for a few weeks. The mask is the person we choose to show others. I’m not referring to strangers or co-workers, I’m referring to the person we’re afraid of showing to those closest to us. This may seem silly but I’m talking to people who are seen as leaders, people who are perceived as “strong,” the ones who tend to be everyone’s go-to person, the shoulder everyone leans on.
If that person is you, can you honestly say you have no issues with letting someone see your complete self; communicating your honest thoughts; and being open with all that is going on in your head? Or do you hold back out of fear of judgement, guilt, or condemnation?
What I’ve come to find out is that many of us are not fully who we portray ourselves to be. Society has taught us to be strong and equate strength to not letting others see our insecurities and vulnerabilities. Most people have mastered smiling through pain and have somehow convinced even themselves that they are okay. They bury feelings so deep that they’ve lost track of the root of their pains, they wear feelings of inadequacy like a second layer of skin; always there, they’ve accepted it as something that’s part of them.
Because they are looked at like the go-to person, it seems impossible to find an outlet to address their needs. The adjectives others use to describe them seem sweet and admirable, but to them those very words are burdensome because they come with holding themselves to an impossible and unattainable standard of not wanting to let anyone down. They can’t be seen as a failure, not because of what it would mean to them, but because of the fear of letting others down. They seemingly feel like the weight of the world is on them.
If by any means they are provided with an outlet, it is foreign to them. Unveiling pieces of who they are feels unnatural. Being at the mercy of opening up to someone else as they try to let others in feels like a loss of control. So, they quickly shrink back into the comfortable confines of the mental prison they’ve become accustomed to placing themselves in. They say things like, “I’ll just pray and fast about it”. Things like, “I must not be good enough” and “I’m failing God” run like a broken record stuck on repeat in their minds. Wanting and reaching out for help sounds more like an admittance of failure.
But can we chat? Like can I let you in on something? The truth is, continuing in this pattern of thinking is unhealthy and detrimental mentally, physically, and spiritually. Day after day, I see clients that tell me the same thing, “I’m everyone’s outlet, but I don’t have my own.” You see, you were never meant to “pray and figure it out”. This behavior can lead to an introduction or increased symptoms of depression, anxiety, and a number of other self-induced problematic outcomes. This type of thinking is something many of us have picked up from society. Someway, somehow, we’ve created a notion that strength equals the appearance of having “it” all together, having all the answers, and constantly smiling no matter what.
Newsflash: that is a terribly impossible and prideful attitude. I know, prideful sounds pretty harsh, but just hear me out. One definition of pride is preferring self-will to God’s will, haughtiness. Even with the most well-meaning intentions, if you are relying more on yourself to figure things out than you are relying on God, then Houston, we have a problem.
So, what is the solution? Talk! Talk about it all. Please give your heart’s desires to God and remind yourself that there is nothing wrong with also talking to others. We’re supposed to be able to rely on one another. We’re supposed to be able to confide in trusted confidants. Am I saying do this with everyone? No, absolutely not. But I am saying it’s perfectly okay and quite freeing to release those burdens from being caged, held hostage, and causing anxiety in our minds (where they were never meant to dwell in the first place).
Worry tends to sound perfectly rational in our heads. The longer we hang onto them, the longer they have to become more burdensome and more of an unchangeable perceived reality. When you talk about your worries, you can audibly hear how rational (or irrational) they are. Either way, having someone to challenge the validity or problem-solve with you can significantly decrease worry.
You may also be thinking, “I don’t want to be judged” or “I don’t want to appear weak”. Do you know how many verses in the Bible TELL us to confess our struggles, cast our cares, and speak out about our worries? There is a reason for this. There is a reason God commands (not asks, but commands) us to do this. We were never, and I mean NEVER, meant to hold on to care and/or worries. We were never meant to be anything other than who God created us to be.
How can we simultaneously wear a mask and still live in the freedom of being our true vulnerable selves? We can’t. It is impossible. But it’s a lie that the enemy has convinced far too many of us to live as truth. This lie has to be dismantled and it can start today with you being open and honest with God first and a trusted loved one second. Don’t be afraid to also reach out to a trained professional. Freedom and true living are awaiting you.